The Danger of the “Should” Lens

You leave early to be on time, but get stuck in traffic. How you respond depends on the lens you use to see the world. You can see the world as it is, as you want it to be, or as it should be.

The happiest people build their goals and expectations on how the world is. They pay attention to cause and effect, to patterns that repeat. Reality runs on physics, economics, and human nature. The more clearly you see these forces, the more your expectations line up with reality, and the less energy you waste fighting against it. 

Seeing the world as you want it to be can be inspiring—it fuels ambition. But it also sets you up for disappointment if you confuse desire with reality. Fortunately, most people accept that the idea of wanting something doesn’t impact how the world works.  Your wants matter, but they are the destination, not the map. To change the world toward your vision, you first have to understand and act within the world as it is.  

The most dangerous lens is should. “Should” is just another version of “want,” but dressed up with moral or rational justification. It feels righteous—this should be affordable, people should be fair, life should reward effort. But when the world inevitably works as it is instead of how you think it should be, you don’t just feel disappointed—you feel wronged. You mistake flawed expectations for injustice. “Should” makes you argue with reality, and reality always wins.

Statements about how the world should work often come from a powerless position. When you can’t control an outcome, “should” becomes a last resort. Ask yourself: ‘Why should that be the case?’ Repeat that question, follow the thread honestly, and it usually leads back to a personal want.

With awareness and attention to your perceptions, the “should” lens can be overcome. Set a period of time where you can observe the world without judgements. Watch how events unfold without placing a “good” or “bad” on them. Judgement shapes your perspective of how the world is based on how you believe it should be. A rainy day is. Traffic is. A hiring decision is. An online post ‘s performance is. Observe causes and effects, look at events from various perspectives, take time to reflect in silence and observe your gut reaction to apply a judgement to something that simply is. With time, your perception of the world will start to converge on how the world is, and the gap between your expectations and reality will shrink. When your expectations match reality, life becomes peaceful.